Hi all.
I would normally not post a deep personal issue such as this one on the web. I'd rather prefer to work it out on my own. But it seems as this Pluto-problem is too deep to figure out for myself. So I am hoping, with this, that some of you could shed some light on this for me.

All of my life, I've had deep problems with self-assertion (or rather lack thereof), which I tend to think is, if not entirely, than at least a great part of Pluto being placed in Libra, the sign of "we, us" in the 11th house, the house of groups, organizations, friends, etc. I always have great problems relaxing and letting my true self out whenever I am around several people, as in part of a group or such. I was like this as a child, and I'm like this today. My parents, friends, school teachers, etc. would always just settle with the conclusion that I was "shy" and leave it with that. I found myself pretty much left me on my own throughout my entire childhood and youth. Which is kind of understandable, as I did always withdraw into myself - but I really think this tendency from my parents and teachers (adults in general) did me more harm than good. Because I honestly don't think it's about shyness - I know and understand myself very well (for the most part anyway), and I don't see myself as a particuarly shy person in general. It's rather that, for reasons beyond my own comprehension, I just don't seem to *function* when I have to interact with many people, say at work, school, or wherever I may find myself. It's like I'm paralyzed, and withdraws instinctively into myself. As if I prefer to stay invisible, free to observe the world around me from my own private corners. The problem is, this is starting to cause trouble, as people seem to be almost a little afraid of me... Which hurts, because I know very well that their impression of me is wrong, yet I don't know how to fix it. Generally I tend to be quite practical about all matters: to every problem, there is a solution. Anything can be overcome. However, in this case I have no idea how to overcome this problem. I don't even know what the actual problem is, or where it comes from!

I know that I make a very good first impression on people, and I'm usually comfortable on a one-on-one basis. But when it comes to, say lunch-time at work, and we all sit around the same table and everyone else chats and are being social, I just zoom out. Withdraw... Unable to get myself to relax and interact on equal basis with the rest. I'd like to blend in with all of them, but I just can't... Don't know how... So then I just sit there, feeling VERY self-aware, entirely out of place, and eventually I begin to notice very well when other's initial enthusiasm towards me fades and they become wary around me instead. After such instances I always end up loathing myself. Confidence is shattered, faith in myself is non-existent... It's a vicious cycle indeed, and it's taking too much of my energy to constantly worry about this. I just need it to end. Soon!

Mind you; it seems as though my entire chart speaks of self-assertion and withdrawal, ieg:
- Mars in Capricorn square Saturn in Libra - Saturn blocks Mars' natural expression
- Scorpio Rising - often exerts a serious, intense outlook (this may be what scares people)
- Moon in Scorpio - deeply emotional, needs to stay in control of a situation.
- Lilith is also in Libra, 11th house. (Could she be conjunct Pluto? Pluto at 23 degrees, Lilith at 27. If no, than they are both unaspected.)
- All of my planets span from the 10th to the 2nd house, meaning that all of my planets can be found around the ascendant. This alone would suggests that I generally don't NEED a whole lot of people around me at all times, and that I'm comfortable with my own company. Which is true. But it's not on its own a reason for all the social anxiety I seem to possess.

OK, this post turned out longer than I ment for it to, but in conclusion - I guess what I'm asking is: How does one attack, get to the bottom of, and over-come a Pluto problem??

If any of you have taken the time to read through all of this, than thank you for your patience, lol. And any advice and / or insight is much appreciated.

Mona

posted in Astrology - 4 replies